Reset - [Yandere!Levi x Amnesiac!Reader] - Part 2

[again, WARNINGS for creepiness, violence, TRIGGERS for abusive/obsessive relationships, language, and the yandere ship]

...

The floor was as cold as ice as you rose from your bed that morning, drained and exhausted.  A harrowing night.  Shivering as the stagnant chill hit the surface of your skin, you quickly got dressed, wincing each time the bruises on your skin flared.  You wanted to cry.  What sort of monster could have left such cruel marks on you, to the point where you felt his stinging touch every time you moved a muscle? It was as though you were being haunted by a demon that you just couldn’t shake off…

It was strange.  Levi had put you in this room to make you feel safe.  And yet, the nightmares had intensified ever since you first started sleeping here.  You felt an eerie connection to this room.  It was familiar, but not in a way that reminded you of home or of a warm, friendly place.  In fact, you felt as though something awful might have happened in a place like this…

Come to think of it, did anyone other than you or Levi even know that such a room existed?

As if to propel your fears even further, the knob refused to turn when you tried to open the door.

“Levi…?” You whispered, heart racing with panic.  You shook the knob.  The door rattled in its frame, but refused to budge.

It was locked.

Your eyes widened.  There had to be some sort of mistake! You were absolutely certain that Levi had the key to the door, but why...? Why in the world would he lock you in like this?

You shook the knob again, producing an even louder noise.  No response from the door, or from the office beyond.  The walls of the bedroom were closing in around you like a cage.

Desperate, you pounded on the door.

"H-Hello?" you called out shakily.  "Levi...? Are you there? I can't get the door open...!"

You were met with silence.  Only after holding your breath for a full few seconds did you hear quiet footsteps, padding across the office outside.  You felt a familiar presence approach your door... and then there was silence.

... You felt someone lean against the door.  You drew back a step, startled.  In the hollow quiet, your every pulsing breath was audible.  Was he...was he just standing there? Was he... listening in on you, through the door?

"Levi...?" you asked, voice uncertain.  "Aren't you going to let me out...? Please?"

He gave you no answer.  It was as though he was deliberating on whether or not to open the door for you.  But why in the world would that be? The room felt suddenly more claustrophobic.  Strangely enough, this feeling of being trapped and locked in was chillingly familiar.  

...

Flashback.  

You were pounding furiously against the door of your cell, crying out for anyone out there who could possibly hear you.  It was cold, dank and dark.  You were alone, but he could be back for you at any given time.  You were desperate to escape before then.

You felt as though the walls of your cage were closing in on you, smothering every last breath of air that you could gulp in.  Your every gasp and whimper was amplified into hollow echoes, rolling from one wall to the next.   You were a prisoner here, but for what reason?

Your fear magnified as you heard footsteps coming from further down the hall.  No one was here to save you, you realized.  Rather, your captor had come to pay you a visit.

The door creaked open.  Light poured in.  Terrified, you shrank back into the shadows.  But with a snarl, a strong set of arms grabbed hold of you and dragged you out of your hiding place.

You were too scared to even scream.

...

...The flashback ended as quickly as it had arrived, leaving you bewildered and disoriented.  Just as you were on the verge of a panic attack, you heard the sound of a key being inserted into the lock.  The mechanism clicked and the door opened.  Just a crack.  Through the gap was the familiar, pale face of Lance Corporal Levi.

"I see you are awake, Cadet [First]," he murmured in that low and breathy voice.  His black eyes stared piercingly into yours.  "I suppose I don't need to ask you if you slept well.  The answer is written all over your face."

In other words, you probably looked as shitty as you currently felt.  But that wasn't your concern right now.

"Sir, why did you lock the door?" you asked.  Fear made your voice a little demanding.  "Let me out.  I really need to get out of here."  

Levi tilted his head to one side, gazing up at you in an unaffected manner.  "Have you forgotten what I said, [First]? I keep this door locked in the night to ensure your safety.  With your current state of mind, the last thing you need is for someone to intrude on you in the middle of the night."

Again he spoke of protecting you, but this time those words only baffled you.  Who in the world would possibly invade your room while you were sleeping? This place was practically hidden to the rest of the castle after all, and they would surely have to go through Levi's office first.

...You wanted to trust Levi, with all your heart.  Yet, you couldn't help but wonder if his true intention was, in fact, to lock you in.

But the very moment these suspicions awakened, Levi let out a sigh.  Moving aside, he opened the door fully, allowing you to step through.  You wondered vaguely if he noticed the way you stared at him just now, with that wary look on your face.

...Once again, you felt guilty for mistrusting him.  

His eyes narrowed.  You gulped, bowing your head to show respect.  "S-sorry, Sir.  I do appreciate all that you're doing for me.  Really! It's just...the room is a little stuffy.  I need some air."

"I said before to call me by name, did I not?" Levi answered bluntly.  He brushed it off.  "Never mind.  I'd rather not have you wander around, but there is only so much I can do to stop you.  In any case, this makes it easier for me to me to clean."

"My room, you mean?" you blinked in surprise as Levi strolled right in.  "Please don't trouble yourself! I can clean it myself-"

"No. I'll handle it," Levi said, setting right to work fixing the bed.  And that was that.  "Carry on with your daily business, [First].  Your breakfast is on the table by the window."  

You raised your brows in surprise, glancing in that direction.  "Huh...?"

His eyes narrowed into slits as they peered at you over his shoulder.  "Don't you remember my orders, Cadet? You are not to have your meals with the other recruits or at any other public venues.  Furthermore, you are to keep your interaction with your fellow cadets to a minimum.  In fact, do not make any contact with them at all."

Your eyes widened.  "Levi...? But... why?"

"As the person in charge of monitoring your recovery, I decide what is best for you," Levi said, wearing an unfathomable expression on his face.  And yet, his tone felt somehow overbearing.  "You agreed to it, did you not?"

"Yes, but-"

The moment you tried to argue, Levi walked over and placed his palm against the top of your scalp.  You felt his cold, pointed fingers grip your skull lightly, but firmly.  Letting out a gasp, you were forced to stoop down slightly - his way of exerting authority over you, it seemed.

His eyes met yours and locked in a dead stare.  You gulped as his fingers entangled themselves into your hair, ever so slightly.

"I've given you your orders, Cadet."  His voice took on a lower and more breathy tone, one that was strangely ominous.  "If you choose to do otherwise... I will know.  Bear this in mind."

You didn't know if that was a threat or a promise.  Feeling pressured, you obediently nodded.  "...Yes, Sir."

Levi looked satisfied, and resumed cleaning your room.  You vaguely noticed that he seemed to be concentrating on dusting around the bedside table, where you kept your notebook.

You stood there, looking less than content.  Somehow, you felt as though you were losing control, little by little, over the basic decisions of your own life.

Your scalp felt sore.  You massaged it gingerly and found yourself wincing.

There were old bruises there too, formed by fingerprints driving inwards like daggers.

---

After having a somewhat lonely breakfast in the office of Lance Corporal Levi, you went about your daily errands.  All the while, you heeded your caretaker's orders to avoid your fellow Cadets as much as was humanly possible.  If Levi was worried about you, it was understandable.  You were hardly in the most normal state of mind right now.  Wracked with amnesia, plagued by nightmares, beset by anxiety, and covered in painful marks that kept triggering unpleasant memories in the back of your mind.  But was isolating your human interaction to Levi alone really the best course of action here?

Either way, you dared not disobey him.  Everywhere you looked, Levi was never far off.  Every time you peeked over your shoulder, you could see him standing in the distance, next to some corner or doorway.  With every step, you could feel his hawk-like gaze on your back, spying your every move.  ... It was unnerving, actually.  

You meandered along the castle hallway, ducking your head down as you weaved through the throngs of people.  The best way to avoid contact with others, it seemed, was to keep your distance avoid looking at them in the eye.  And yet, there were a handful that seemed determined to interact with you regardless.

"[First]!"

Their voices startled you.  Forgetting what you were trying your hardest not to do, you responded by looking up.  Jean and Eren were both approaching you at the exact same time.

"Hey, back off! I was here first!" Jean growled at the smaller boy, jabbing at him with an elbow.

"The hell's your problem?" Eren snapped back.  "I just want to talk with her, that's all."  He cleared his throat and looked at you hopefully.  "Hey! [First]! Long time no see, huh? You never hang out with the trainees anymore."

Jean was likewise eager to chat with you.  

"Speak for yourself, Eren.  I got to talk with her yesterday," the taller boy announced smugly.  A frown appeared on his face.  "For all of ten seconds, anyhow.  ... Sorry if I freaked you out yesterday, [First].  I didn't realize you still aren't fully recovered yet."

You shook your head frantically, feeling your heart race.  "No, nono, it's okay.  Don't worry about it!" you said weakly, trying to hide your panic.  "I just overreacted, that's all..."

Knowing that Levi was not far off, you tried to evade them.  But they continued to engage you in conversation.

"Lance Corporal Levi's still taking care of you, isn't he?" Eren inquired.  When you nodded, he sighed a little.  "You know, every time we ask him how you've been doing, he gives us this really scary, angry look."  He shuddered slightly.  "Like we're a nuisance, or something."

"Hey, [First]," Jean suddenly cut in, looking strangely serious.  "...He hasn't been... hurting you, has he?"

Your eyes widened.  "N-no! Not at all!" You exclaimed, startled.  "I'll admit, he's a little overbearing, but he's been taking care of me all this time.  I really wants to help me recover.  I know it."

You hugged your arms tightly.  Before you realized it, those old bruises were flaring up painfully again.  You winced.

Not noticing this, Eren and Jean glanced at each other.  Accepting your explanation, they looked relieved.

"...'Overbearing, huh?" Eren asked, letting out a sigh.  "I guess that does sound like the Lance Corporal we all know.  ...Well, I'm not going to complain.  With your head injury and amnesia and all, these things take time.  I would know, for one."

Huh... That's right.  Eren was still dealing with amnesia from his childhood, after all this time.  A gap in his memory.  This worried you.  Maybe at this rate, you'll never be able to remember anything about the past.

"We're not gonna rush you, or anything," Jean said, gazing at you with a frown of concern.  "But I wish the Lance Corporal would lighten up a little.  ...It feels like forever since the last time we were able to spend time normally with you, after all."

Those words struck you.  Forever...?

You stared at them both.  All of a sudden, you started wondering.  How long had it been since you started disappearing more and more from the public eye, anyhow? From what Levi had told you, your amnesia had been caused from that head injury you received during the expedition.  But when exactly had that been?

"Hey..." Eren started.  "You okay? You're looking a little pale..." He stepped towards you.

...You immediately took a step back.  The two boys stared at you in bewilderment.

It wasn't Jean and Eren you were scared of.  Rather, you were acutely aware of Lance Corporal Levi standing some distance away, peering upon your conversation with the most dissatisfied glare.  

He was getting angry.

Neither Jean nor Eren seemed to realize that the Lance Corporal was basically standing there just a few meters behind them, drilling holes into the backs of their necks with his stare.  You had to defuse the situation, and fast.  Best not get the two boys into trouble.  And besides that, something told you that testing Levi's patience would have tempestuous consequences.

"L-Look, I can't talk to you two right now..." you said shakily, ducking your head down to avoid their confused stares.  "I'm sorry.  But, I really need to get going now."

Before either of them could stop you, you had already pushed your way past, hurrying through the castle hallway.  

The moment you made your distance, a hand shot out from the crowd and roughly grabbed you by the arm.  You gasped in pain and surprise as you were dragged from one end of the hallway to the other through the throngs of people.

Your captor pulled you into a secluded corridor, well away from prying eyes, and pressed you against the wall.  You cringed, remembering this familiar feeling of being cornered.  Sharp, pointed fingers dug into the flesh of your forearms like pins, holding you in place.

You found yourself staring into the stormy-eyed, pitch-black stare of Lance Corporal Levi.  You gulped, sensing his ire.  

"S-Sir, I'm sorry! I know you didn't want me to have any contact with the other Cadets, but I couldn't help myself-" you stammered, trying to explain what had happened.

Levi cut you off.

"I will let it slide this time, Cadet."  His voice was smooth as silk, but sharp as steel.  "...Your fellow recruits seem to insist on being a goddamn nuisance, after all.  Pestering you like that while you are still recovering..."  

The bitterness in his voice startled you.  If you didn't know any better, you would have thought that his tone was bordering on outright hatred.

You tried to pacify him.  "I'm sure they didn't mean any harm! They just wanted to know how I was doing-"

Levi interrupted you, his face leaning in ever closer.  Black eyes glowered up from behind a fringe of black hair.

"You really are naive, aren't you?" Levi murmured, his breath touching your lips.  Your heart pounded.  What was this feeling? Shyness? Terror?  Either way he went on.  "Instead of believing in others so blindly, you should learn to open your eyes and see the world for what it really is.  Don't be so quick to trust everyone around you.  ... Nothing is always as it seems to be."

You stared at him in confusion, unable to move as his palms nailed your shoulders to the wall.  

"Don't misunderstand me, Cadet," Levi continued, still fixing his gaze upon you.  "Your well-being will always be my first priority.  ... In fact, there is nothing I consider more important.  The trauma that you are going through is placing you under great risk.  You need me to take care of you.  ...All I request is for you to have a little more faith in me."

You ruminated on his words, grasping for a way to respond to him.  It was true, you could hardly even trust yourself to think independently without doubting yourself.  Levi was the only one who was willing to accommodate you fully.  Though he was being a bit overbearing, you wanted to accept the care he was giving you, even if it meant relinquishing some of your freedom and independence.

But maybe, it was better not to be so stubborn.  You needed help, after all.

You fell into a passive silence.  Levi took advantage of your hesitation by suddenly, unexpectedly, erasing the distance and closing his lips against yours.

You stiffened, expecting a flashback of one of your nightmares.  But no, this was different.  The way he moved his mouth was smooth and tender, wrapping your lips in a tingling warmth that made your knees grow weak.  Not with fear or revulsion, but with pleasure.  He pressed a little closer, engulfing you with his form.  A hum of contentment purred deep and low within his chest.  This close, you could even feel it.

Something stirred within the depths of your memory, something that was fundamentally different from the nightmares that had tormented you before.  You found yourself remembering a moment of long-forgotten bliss, shared with another.  It was heart-pounding and intimate... and yet there was something gentle about it all the same.  Loving, even.  There was no doubt in your mind that you had experienced something like this before.  It was enough to move you.

As such, you found yourself responding favorably to Levi's kiss.  It was nice to know that there were some pleasant memories mixed in with those that were otherwise dark and terrifying.

Levi pulled back, but continued to hold you with his stare.  Your lips were reddened from the heat of his mouth, and your cheeks were flushed.  But even so, you had calmed down considerably.

With a sigh, he released you.  His reluctance to leave you was all too apparent.  Likewise, you found yourself longing for that gentle touch again.

Levi wouldn't do anything to hurt you.  You wanted to believe that.

---



...

That night, you were visited by nightmares again.

This time, you were strapped back-first to a table.  Your mouth was gagged once more.  Your spine strained against the creaky wooden panel underneath.  A lamp burned blindingly overhead, shedding a spotlight all over your form.  The rest of the room was dark.  You smelled bleach, metal, and old blood.  Once again, you were immobile, helpless, and terrified.  Tied down, like an animal for the slaughter.

From the nearby wall, you heard a familiar voice, low and ominous, but barely recognizable.  It resonated through the cold and empty room.

"You should have listened when I warned you..."

The air was filled with the sound of metal against metal, grating at your nerves.  He was meticulously sorting through his tools.  Implements of a sinister sort.  Bladed instruments, and other such items.  You found yourself gulping, realizing with dread what came next.

Your fear peaked tenfold with each step he took towards you, footsteps echoing against the stone floor.

"Have you forgotten when I told you?" His murmuring voice was barely a whisper.  "This is what happens when you don't do as I say."  

A chill swept across the surface of your skin.  His face suddenly loomed overhead, blocking the lamplight above and throwing a shadow upon you.  The darkness concealed his features.  All you could see was his silhouette burning pitch black against the blinding light, like a solar eclipse.

The air was heavy with an oppressive, malicious presence.  It was enough to suffocate you.

Your eyes stung with tears as he held up a small blade, glinting icily in the air.  His weapon of choice.  You began pleading desperately behind your gag.  

"This is to help you learn," he purred, calm and pleased, but without a shred of pity.  You could feel the needle of his stare against the back of your eyes.  "... Each time you forget, I'll take it a step further."

You felt the kiss of cold steel against your cheek.  The terror of it all was slowly driving you insane.

"For now, however... this is just the beginning."

You recalled no visual memory after that - your eyes were simply filled with blinding sparks of pain.  Bladed metal seared across the surface of your skin, mercilessly carving blood-red lines. Slowly, and leisurely. All that you could hear was your own muffled screaming.


...

You snapped awake, enveloped in a chilling sweat.  Sitting upright in your bed, you spent the next several moments hyperventilating.  Your mind still reeled from the horrific visions of your nightmare, and the phantom sensations of sharp blades continued to draw lines across your skin.  Being bound up and blindfolded was one thing.  Being deprived of air was more horrid, but this was even worse! You refused to believe that such a thing could have happened, and yet...

...You peeled away the sweat-soaked sheets from your skin, exposing your body to the night air, clad only in a thin nightdress.

The bruises from earlier were already suspicious enough.  But up until now, you had never paid any mind to the wounds that were bandaged.  You had always thought that the expedition had been the most likely cause, which was why you had dismissed them out of your mind.  But now that the nightmares were slowly becoming clearer and more coherent... you weren't so sure anymore.

And now, you dreaded to discover what could be hidden underneath.

There were a few places where you were bandaged.  Most notably, they were wrapped around the circumference of your upper left arm, as well as the middle of your right thigh.  You decided to start with the leg, first.

Holding your breath, you began to unbind yourself.  Though you already predicted what you might find, the anticipation was enough to tie your stomach into knots.

... The bandages fell away.  As you had predicted, the skin on both your upper arm and the surface of your thigh was marked with crimson red lines, all cut deep enough to break the skin, but still shallow enough to hurt.  They stung terribly when you touched them, causing your eyes to burn with tears.  Half-healed, they looked red, swollen, painful and ugly.

These cuts were not the result of an accident.  They had been deliberately left there, sliced in with a knife.  You had no idea how recent they were, but given the reddened state they were in, you surmised that they had not been there for long.

The sight of them was too much.  You found yourself weeping bitterly and uncontrollably.  Who could have done such a thing? And why in the world was it so difficult to remember?

Was this all part of your imagination? Were the nightmares simply a distortion of reality? Which memories were real, and which were false? Did the accident during the expedition even happen in the first place? Was your attacker real, or were you simply paranoid?

The confusion was maddening.  Nauseating, even.  Reality was unraveling all around you, to the point where you could no longer trust yourself.

Remembering Levi's instructions, you recorded the dream into the notebook.  You knew that the purpose of this exercise was to make it easier for you to recover from your amnesia.  But considering how horrifying these memories were turning out to be, you weren't even sure if you wanted to remember anything anymore.

---

Morning arrived.  Physically and mentally, you were in worse shape than before, and it showed.  Stress, anxiety, and lack of sleep deepened the shadows beneath your eyes, and you were pale as ash.  You could barely stomach breakfast without getting sick.  Your hands kept shaking - you dropped things constantly.  Worst of all, you weren't brave enough to walk outside of Levi's office by yourself.

... So, like the loyal and steadfast caretaker he was, Levi took it upon himself to accompany you every step of the way.  He walked you through the castle hallways, and took you outside for your daily dosage of fresh air.  He stood with you in the field full of bright blue forget-me-nots, where the two of you shared a moment of peace and quiet.  Had your mind been more coherent, you would have realized that it was a place of significance and precious memory for both you and the Lance Corporal.  Unfortunately, all you could think about was getting through the day without falling apart.

Those who passed by gazed upon the two of you with inquisitive looks, but Levi drove them away with his unfriendly stare.  Neither of you were to be disturbed, and he would make utterly sure of that.  The rest of the legion accepted this.  After all, you were hardly in the best of health.  But if Humanity's Greatest Soldier was this willing to oversee your recovery, then for sure you were in good hands.  There was little doubt in their minds that his care and protectiveness over you was for the best.  

After all, by this point, you had become completely dependent on him.  But maybe it wasn't so bad.  After all, it was only while wrapped up in his arms did you feel any semblance of safety and security.

Even Levi seemed more reluctant than you did to let you leave his embrace.

---

Later in the evening, Levi was called to discuss matters with Erwin in his office.  Alone.  This put him in a sour mood.  This came without surprise, nowadays he was absolutely loathe to leave you anywhere by yourself.  

That said, Major Hanji cheerfully offered to look after you while Levi attended to his meeting with the Commander.  You could tell that Levi was still dissatisfied about this arrangement.  Whether that malcontent was due to the fact that he couldn't be by your side, or that Hanji was temporarily subbing in for him, you honestly couldn't tell.

"Oh! Go on, you!" Hanji shooed him off with a grin.  He meandered away, grumbling all the while.  "She'll still be in one piece by the time you come back, don't you worry!"

At last, Levi had turned the corner.  With that, the bespectacled brunette placed her hands on her hips and turned towards you.  Her manner was as friendly and boisterous as ever.

"Cadet [First]! Long time no see!" she beamed.  "Sorry that I never had the chance to follow-up with you after that accident during the last expedition.  I've been kept busy working day and night with Cadet Jaeger! Lately we've been trying to work on those lost memories of his."  

Without any heed to you, she rambled on.  "Apparently, they might have something to do with how he gained his transformation abilities, but so far we haven't been able to bring them back! I've tried everything from hypnosis, to dream analysis, to therapeutic dialogue to medication... Nothing seems to work! It makes me wonder if his amnesia was somehow artificially induced..."

Halfway through her vocalization, you became lost in your thoughts, finding little will or energy to focus on her words.  Major Hanji was talkative enough to hold up both ends of the conversation, and you were all too happy to let her.  That said, you began to frown as you picked up the last bit that came out of her mouth.

...Artificially-induced amnesia.  Was that even possible?

Either way, you couldn't exactly blame Hanji for not checking up on you for the past few days.  Where Eren was involved, she tended to get a little over-enthusiastic.  And besides, it wasn't as though you were neglected all this time.

"It's alright," you reassured her weakly.  "I'm fine, really.  ...Levi's been taking care of me."

"All this time, eh?" Hanji tilted her head to the side, looking somewhat puzzled.  "Goodness.  You've really been on a rough road to recovery.  Then again..." She sighed ruefully.  "Amnesia's always a tricky business.  I've seen it happen before with all sorts of injuries.  Not often, mind you.  Every case is different, and a complete recovery isn't always guaranteed."

You shuddered.  If there was a possibility that you would have to deal with this for the rest of your life, you didn't know if you could stomach it.

"Still..." Hanji mused, peering at you with an observant look.  "I didn't think a head injury like that would be traumatic enough to cause that much damage to your memories.  It did knock you out, I remember.  But all things considering, it was rather mild.  Like a bump.  Ahaha ...!" She laughed weakly.  "Maybe your skull is a little on the thin side?"

Your eyes widened.  Those words took you surprise.  That's right... you had a concussion during the expedition, didn't you? Goodness, this was so confusing...  As far as you knew, the amnesia was caused by some form of traumatic head injury.  That was what Levi had told you.

... But according to Hanji, it hadn't been that bad at all.  How in the world could that be?

Carefully, experimentally, you pressed your palm against your head in various places.  The brow, the temple, the cranium, and the back of the head.  Dizzy as you were, with a throbbing headache plaguing you as usual, you could detect no major bruise nor wound located around the skull area.  

There was no traumatic head injury.  Levi must have misinformed you.  Then where was this amnesia coming from? And this goddamn headache for that matter?

Something felt seriously wrong here.

"Cadet [First]," Hanji raised her brows at you.  "Is something the matter...?"

You stared at her dazedly, trying to make sense of the situation.  

"S-sorry, Ma'am," you stammered, suddenly feeling ill with nervousness.  There was something that didn't add up here.  You had to figure out what.  There was something that Levi was not telling you.  You were missing information about the timeframe in question.  The key to figuring out how this all started... had something to do with when it had started.

"Major Hanji..." you murmured, voice barely a whisper.

"Hmm?" she inquired, helpful as ever.

You gulped, preparing yourself for what you might wind up learning.  "How... How long ago was the expedition? I'm really sorry, I just can't remember that well..."

"Oh...!" Hanji's eyes widened behind her spectacles.  "I believe the last expedition you were on was exactly six months ago."

The shock hit you with the force of a slap.  

"What did you say...?"

Six whole months... Six whole months... spent in this unbearable limbo? That couldn't be! Your current memories only extended back to a mere handful of days! The gap of time was too large.  It was as though someone had blown out a gaping hole in the timeline, leaving nothing but an empty void in which you could recall absolutely nothing.

"I guess it's a little shocking, since you can't remember all that well," Hanji remarked lightly.  "Yours is a strange case.  For the past six months, it's been the same pattern.  You'd show signs of recovery, and then... all of a sudden, you'd relapse once more.  Whatever memories you started to retain would suddenly vanish, and it's back to square one again." She sighed, looking a little troubled.  "...Like a watch that keeps getting reset..."

You stood there, feeling the world crashing inwards upon you as you listened with horror.  Once again, it left you dumbstruck.  Six months... What in the world had been happening during that time?

Jean's words rang as clear as a bell in your head.  '...It feels like forever since the last time we were able to spend time normally with you.'

...He had not been exaggerating in the least.  You had been oblivious for literally half-a-year now.  What struck you with disbelief was that all this time, nobody could figure out what in the world was wrong with you.

"It's a little shocking, huh? Even I can't figure it out myself!" Hanji remarked brightly, with a light burst of laughter that you were utterly unable to respond to.  "Levi's been taking care of you all this time.  Even after Commander Erwin granted you indefinite leave, the Lance Corporal's convinced him to keep you here at the castle.  To stay by your side and help you get better, that is.  He's extraordinarily dedicated to you, but perhaps that in itself isn't so surprising."

She smiled knowingly, sly brown eyes drifting off to the side.  "After all, even if you don't fully remember it, you and Levi have had quite the history for the past year.  It's nice to see that the two of you are still close, in spite of the circumstances."

Meaning that the two of you were lovers.  That would explain why he was so attached to you.  

And yet, Levi had managed to withhold all of this information from you.  For what reason, you had absolutely no idea.  ...But now, you were determined to find out.

"Well, I'm sure things will get better for you someday," Hanji encouraged you with a wide and sincere smile.  "In spite of your relapses, you always seem to be doing well under Levi's supervision.  All of us can see how much he cares for you.  There's nothing more important to him than you."  She paused, blinking at your expression.  "Hey, Cadet [First]? What's wrong? You look a little pale."

You snapped out of your thoughts and stared at her, voice shaking.  "N-no, Ma'am... I... It's nothing, I..." You backed away.  "I have to...return to the Lance Corporal's office.  I'm not feeling so well..."

"Hm? Is that so?" Hanji raised her brows in concern.  "If that's the case, shall I call Levi from his meeting? He'll probably take a long time in there otherwise..."

"No!" you exclaimed, turning red at the very thought.  "No, it's alright, Ma'am... I'll manage...!"

Without another word, you turned a heel and hurried as quickly as you could down the hall, making a beeline towards Levi's office.  After what you had learned from Major Hanji, you were slowly starting to piece this sinister mystery together.  All you needed was evidence.

You could only hope that Commander Erwin would be able to keep Levi occupied long enough for you to carry out your intent.

---

By now, there were a number of things you were reasonably sure of.  First of all, there was the timeframe in question.  If Hanji was telling the truth (and you had little reason to believe otherwise), you had been afflicted for six months.  And yet your memories only extended back to a few days.  

In other words the amnesia was recurring.  According to Hanji, you had a tendency to relapse into forgetfulness after recovering part of your memories.  In essence, that meant that something must have happened to erase your memories again more than once during those six months.  Multiple head injuries? It couldn't be.  You had already checked earlier, but felt no signs of concussion.  Even Hanji had admitted that the head injury you had received during the expedition was very mild in nature.  A blow to the head wasn't the cause of your amnesia, nor was it the cause of the relapses you had experienced.

If that was the case, then what was?

But that wasn't the only thing that had happened during the past half-year.

The bruises on your arms and neck. The welts on your wrists and ankles. The cuts on your skin.  They were all recent.  Whatever, or whoever had attacked you had done so on more than one occasion during those six months.  If your guess was correct, and you had lost your memories more than once during that period of time, then both patterns of events must be directly related.  In fact, you were sure of it.

Someone had been hurting you, and then somehow forced you to forget the whole thing.  Each and every time.  You didn't know how... but the more you considered it, the more it sickened and horrified you.  All this time, you had been caught in a web of manipulation and lies, used for some inhumanly sadistic purpose you could not even begin to comprehend.  And all of it stemmed from one person.  

The void in your memory had lasted for six months.  Throughout that entire period of time, there was only one person who had been close enough to inflict such unspeakable acts upon you.  The accounts you had heard from Hanji, Eren, and Jean all confirmed it.  He had kept you under his control, placed you under every ounce of surveillance, and had even managed keep you silent by both isolating you and controlling your memories.  

That person was Lance Corporal Levi.

Terror and betrayal hit you like a brick wall.  There was a part of you that refused to believe it.  It was the voice in your head wanted with all your heart to keep trusting him, and you wondered if this was the result of your close relationship with him.  There must have been a point in time before all this happened, when he was truly loving and gentle with you.  You were certain of it! But that was in the past.  Now... you just didn't know anymore.

You wanted so very much to just curl up and cry.  All this time, he had promised to care for you and protect you.  Why, then, would he do something like this to you?

...No, you couldn't fall apart like this.  You couldn't concentrate on the 'why' of it.  You had to find out 'how' Levi had managed to keep you under his control for so long, without anyone suspecting a single thing.  Yourself included.  

And so, while he was away on a meeting with Commander Erwin, you began to ransack his office.  You desperately searched for clues, all the while hoping and praying with all your heart... that your suspicions about him were completely and utterly wrong.  If that was the case, you would beg his forgiveness and never doubt him again.  But if you found evidence to prove his misdeeds...

...Well, even then, you had no idea what you would do.  If he turned out to be a monster after all, you were absolutely terrified at the idea of having to confront him.  That said, who would you run to? Who could you possibly trust in the Legion, when all of them would surely take the Lance Corporal's side?

...You had to worry about that later.  Right now, you had to find proof, or else your situation would never improve.  With that, you worked feverishly to pick the lock at Levi's desk, using a hairpin.  A cold sweat broke out all over your skin, and your hands trembled violently.  Breathing rapidly, you looked over your shoulder towards the doorway, expecting to see Levi pop in at any given moment.  If he caught you snooping, you were dead, one way or another.

Your haste and panic made you clumsy, but miraculously enough, you managed to get the lock free.  Dropping the hairpin, you threw the drawer open.  Your eyes widened when you saw what was inside.

There were notebooks upon notebooks piled within, all of the same manufacture as the one you had kept by your bedside.  A chill swept through your body as you picked one up and began flipping through the pages.  The sensation was strangely familiar.

These notebooks were all yours.  The pages were filled to the brim with hastily scribbled entries, all bearing your handwriting.  All of them were dated during the six-month period Hanji had described to you earlier.  Just like the notebook Levi had assigned to you just a few days ago, these ones had all been used to journalize your dreams.  Flashbacks.  Fragments of memory that you could recall on the spot.  In other words, they kept track of how much you were able to remember during that period of time.

But for whose convenience? Yours, or Levi's?  

You recalled what had happened just yesterday.  Levi had been cleaning your room, hadn't he? What struck you was the way he had concentrated most of his dusting around the bedside table where you kept your notebook.  He must have read it the moment you looked away...

You had no memory of writing the entries contained within these notebooks, and yet you recognized your own script.  These thoughts had to be yours.  Most of them were barely coherent, but there were a few lines that struck you at the core of your being, leaving you horrorstruck.

'I can't remember anything...'

'Why won't the nightmares stop?'

'As long as Levi's here, I think I'll be safe.'

...

'...The same person visited me in my dreams again.'

'I saw the Wings of Freedom on his jacket...'

'...Even though it's just a dream, I can still feel it hurting...'

...

'...I think I saw his face.  It can't be him...'

'I want to keep believing in Lance Corporal Levi...'

'Someone help me... I'm scared!'

...

'There's something he's not telling me.  I don't know if I can trust him...'

'I saw someone in my nightmare again.... Was it... Levi?'

...

'I don't know what to do.  Even after all that's happened, I still love him...'

'Every day, I'm remembering more and more.  I have to keep this notebook hidden!'

'I can't let him find out... I think he knows...'

...

'...I have to get out of here.  Why won't he let me out?'

'SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME.'

'...I finally remember everything.'

...

Those were the words you read from the most recently dated journal in the stack.  Like all the rest, the diary ended abruptly on a disturbing note.  The final entry was followed by nothing but a blank page.  In particular, it was a message you had written to yourself.  You could sense your own fear and desperation behind those words - it was a warning, and a plea.

...

'...To my future self: If you ever find this, RUN. RUN AWAY, AS FAR AS YOU CAN. IF HE CATCHES YOU, HE'LL MAKE YOU FORGET ALL OVER AGAIN, AND YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO ESCAPE.  FOR THE SAKE OF US ALL, YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF.  Please forgive me for not being able to get away this time. I was so close, but now he's found me out! Right now, he's after me, and I don't know how long it'll be before I'm-'

...

...There was nothing written after that.  It was as though something - or someone - had interrupted the writer in mid-sentence, rendering them unable to continue.  You found yourself gulping at the unspoken implication there.  Somewhere along the way, you had discovered the truth of it all... only to be caught by the one responsible for this madness.  You looked at the date of the entry, your eyes widened with recognition.

You knew what day it had been when Levi last interfered with your memories.  Because the morning that came after that...

...that was the day you remembered waking up in that blindingly blue field of forget-me-nots, shaking off the remnants of a nightmare.  You had been unable to remember a thing, and most important of all, Levi had been there ... watching your every move.  

By then, you had already been rendered utterly clueless.  But now that you had re-discovered everything, it was all coming full circle.

The very thought of Levi was enough to instill you with dread, now.  If he caught wind of the fact that you were officially onto him, then surely it would mean the end for you.  You don't know what he had planned, but if this was allowed to continue any longer, then you were as good as lost.  The rest of your life would be spent under his control, at his every whim... with no hope of rescue.

You hastily began to reorganize the stack of journals inside the drawer, fingers shaking.  Can't let Levi find out you had been snooping...though you imagined that he was going to find out sooner or later.  In any case, that was when you discovered something else inside the drawer.  Reaching in, you pulled out a small, thin box.  Glancing over your shoulder one more time to make sure the coast was clear, you opened it and looked inside.

...The box contained a chemical vial, full to the brim with liquid and sealed at the top.  Arranged beside the battle was a set of syringes.  Also contained within the kit was a frayed sheet of parchment paper, bearing information and instructions on how to use the medication contained within.  Reading it, you at least uncovered the final piece of this puzzle.

...As it turned out, the vial contained a little-known and highly illegal drug, which Levi had undoubtedly t obtained through his former contacts in the underground.  As you expected, the primary use of the drug was to forcibly induce memory loss.  The amnesia's severity depended primarily on dosage administered.  That said, even a small amount was powerful enough to cause a memory gap lasting for at least five days.  Being an illegal substance, it also had a handful of side effects.  Hallucinations.  Fatigue.  Headaches.  Dry mouth.  Nausea.  Repeated use also resulted in the deterioration of one's ability to retain new memories.  ...As if the artificially-induced amnesia wasn't damaging enough.

...Once you managed to digest this information, you closed your eyes.  Tears of pain and anguish stung them.  This was the answer to everything, then.  All along, Levi had acted under the pretense that he was trying to help you recover from your amnesia.  Instead, he had fed you nothing but lies.  For six months, you had lived under his torment, and he had kept you ignorant.  He had made you trust him, led you to feel safe and protected, all the while keeping the wool pulled over your eyes.  It was enough to leave you revolted.  

What was his intent, you wondered? Why put you through something so inhuman? You wanted to know, but if you asked him now, would you even get a straight answer? A sane person would never dream of doing this.  

Either way, you were thankful that Levi was still preoccupied with that meeting.  He still had yet to return.  Hopefully this would give you enough time to figure out how to get yourself out of this mess.  After all, you had promised yourself that you would find a way to break this cycle of torment, and save yourself.  This twisted game was going to end, one way or another.

You removed the vial from the kit.  First things first, you had to bring this to Hanji. There was a possibility that she would be able to analyze it, and figure out how to deal with Levi.  Pivoting on a heel with renewed purpose, you turned to leave the room.

"...Going somewhere?"

A cold and piercing voice filled your ears, causing your heart to damn near explode.  Just as you whirled around, pale and narrow fingers latched around your wrist, tightening into a death grip.  The vial slipped from your fingers, smashing against the floor and spilling its contents across the hardwood.  

With a pitch-black gaze, Levi peered at you disdainfully, refusing to relinquish his hold on your wrist.  You stared back at him, rooted to the spot with fear and panic.  There was something demonic and human behind those unblinking eyes of his, glinting in the pale light.  His expression was deadpan, but there was something menacing about it all the same.  You found yourself genuinely fearing for your life.  

He clicked his tongue coldly as you struggled to wrench your hand free.  Unimpressed, Levi tightened his grip.  You cried out in pain, feeling your bones crack.  He paid no heed, instead glancing down towards the floor.

"Tch.  You made a mess, you damn brat," he uttered, lips curling with distaste at the sight of the broken vial.  "Not only that, but you had the gall to snoop through my office while you thought I was busy."  

You shrank back in terror as he leaned his face inwards, coming nose to nose with you.  "...What am I going to do with you, Cadet?" he asked in that low and breathy voice. "No matter what I do, you always seem to forget... Misbehave, and you'll be punished."

Your throat ran dry.  You were unable to speak, let alone scream.  The only thing that ran through your head was an overpowering compulsion to run.  To escape.  To flee with your life, putting as much distance behind you as was humanly possible.  But you couldn't move - not with Levi's hand wrapped around your wrist, creating bruises on top of bruises.

...So you grabbed for one of the empty syringes in the box.

Levi immediately saw what you were doing, and immediately shoved you away.  By the time you were thrown to the floor, you had managed to stab him in the thigh with the hypodermic needle.  He let out a snarl, one that was more enraged than agonized.  

Sparks were flying in your vision as you lay there stunned.  You fought to stay focused.  Your eyes whirled around the room as Levi removed the needle from his bleeding leg.  The door! Scrambling to your feet, you desperately lunged towards your only means of escape.  You had to get away, no matter what...!

A thin, wiry, yet powerful arm hooked around your throat and crushed itself against your windpipe.  Your breath was stuck fast in its chest.  Levi brought you in tightly against his chest, pinning you in place with his form.  He growled with exertion as you struggled against his stranglehold, whimpering and choking.  His other hand wrapped around your mouth, muffling your voice.  Try as you may to fight him off, you couldn't find any leverage against him while he was this close.  You were trapped.

You felt his lips pull back into a cruel smirk, his nose brushing against the back of your hair.  Your lungs strained for breath, but it was no use - your consciousness was fading fast.  He was triumphant.

You clawed against his hold, driving your fingernails inwards, doing everything you could to pry his fingers away.  Even if it meant breaking skin - yours, or his.  But whatever damage you could inflict was too little, too late.  Your body began to weaken.  Maintaining that unrelenting hold around your throat, Levi let out a sigh that hit the surface of your scalp, sending prickling chills across your skin.

"You were always a stubborn one..." he murmured.  There was a trace amount of affection in your voice, a sort that caused more revulsion than endearment.  "What in the world am I going to do with you? There's only so much I can do to instill you with obedience."

Black spots saturated your vision as his voice dripped low and ominous into your ear.  "Still... it is a lesson I'll be more than happy to teach you ... for as many times as I absolutely need to."

You clenched your teeth and uttered an angry, defiant noise... before your consciousness finally faded.  Levi caught you as you fell into his arms, out like a light, as helpless as a puppet.  He smiled with pleasure and satisfaction.  In the end, you couldn't put up a fight against him.  That said, it was a little dangerous, how quickly you had been able to discover the truth this time.  Clearly, it had been worth it to delay his meeting with Commander Erwin - just to eaves drop on the conversation between you and Hanji, and then following you back to his office.  All this time, he had remained unseen, and undetected while you were snooping through his desk drawers.

Now, he cradled your unconscious form in his arms, admiring your comatose expression.  You were defenseless, vulnerable, and completely at his mercy.  There was no sight that enthralled him more.

He mused quietly to himself, evaluating his options.  Soon enough however, he was decided.  ...Erwin could afford to wait a few more minutes.

With a sigh, Levi rose to his feet and lifted you into the air.  Carrying you like a lover, asleep in his arms, he turned a heel and made his way into the hidden room in the office.  It was the one that had served as your sleeping quarters for the past few days - your prison cell, and quite possibly, your tomb.

...

[to be continued]