'Sun and Moon' - [Eren x Shifter!Reader] - Part 3

---Sun and Moon: Part 3 ---

A day or so after your heart-pounding encounter with Eren Jaeger, Annie began to notice your recent change in mood.

"Do you realize you've been smiling like an idiot for a while now?" she asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously at you.

Normally you'd cringe with fear at the sound of her voice. But for some strange reason, you were just too giddy to care this time.

"What's so unusual about that? That's all I am to you, isn't it?" You retorted lightly, feeling a strange sense of smugness as you dangled your feet from the fencing. "Just another a bubble-headed idiot who doesn't know a proper kick from a punch."

"True. Very true," Annie snapped coldly, not the least bit amused. "But I'd have remembered the high-and-mighty attitude. That's not like you at all."

You scowled. "For your information, it's not being high and mighty. Since when is it against the rules for me to be happy every now and then?"

It was true. For the strangest reason, the mere thought of Eren chased your troubles away, until they were nothing but a long-forgotten bad dream. From morning until evening, your head was filled with nothing else but the evergreen color of his eyes, and the impression of his lips upon yours. It had been so brief, like the flutter of an eyelid. Yet the sensations of his warmth, his closeness, remained imprinted in your thoughts. It was maddening, yet exhilarating all at once.

Not to mention, it gave you a much needed ego-boost.

And now, despite everything your training had taught you about keeping your emotions under wraps, you were blushing like the rosy morning sky. And in front of a shocked and bewildered Annie, of all people. She said nothing in response to the words you threw at her, nor did she make a move to put you in your place. Instead, she remained moodily silent, as though churning on her thoughts. You observed her warily. Just what was that deadpanned look on her face supposed to convey? Disapproval? Envy? Or simply contempt?

Whatever. It was not every day you felt this good about yourself, and you were quite determined not to let anything ruin your high spirits. Not even the ice queen Annie Leonhardt.

She spoke up just as these thoughts crossed your head.

"It's the Jaeger boy, isn't it?"

You froze, but kept your face perfectly even.

"Don't think I haven't noticed," Annie warned you. "He's been stealing these pathetic, puppy-eyed looks at you all day, whenever he thinks you're not looking. It's obvious he's interested in you."

You stared at her, startled. "Really?"

Annie glared at you impatiently. "Yes. Really. You're no different, with that vapid, dreamy eyed-look on your face, blushing like some dim-witted maiden. Looking at you both, it's enough to make me hurl."

You shrugged, uncaring. "Look the other way then, if it bothers you so much."

Annie's words definitely put you off though. Honestly! Was there an actual reason for all this venom? As if you were doing anything wrong!

"You know I can't do that," came the curt reply. "Not with so much at stake. Have you already forgotten what Bertholdt told you the other day? You should know by now that we can't afford any risks."

You blinked at her, alarmed. Looking around, making sure that no one was within earshot, you lowered your voice into a whisper.

"How on earth does Eren have anything to do with our mission?" you hiss. "What exactly am I risking just by being friendly with him? It's not like I plan to tell him everything about myself. Aren't you being a little paranoid, Annie?"

"Am I?" Annie questions you. "Or are you the one who's being naïve about this? Eren's not exactly the master of control when it comes to his feelings. And neither are you, for that matter. Who's to say it won't spiral out of control and-"

"-and endanger our mission?" you scoffed. "You're making a mountain out of a molehill, Annie. That, or you just don't trust me one bit, even though I'm your accomplice. …Typical lone wolf behavior."

Annie's hands flew to your collar, pulling you roughly off the fence.

"You're right. I don't trust you to handle this sort of thing in a mature and objective fashion." Her voice was cold and clipped. "And if you mess up, what makes you think your actions won't put me in danger? Same with Reiner, and Bertholdt."

Gasping, you began to protest. "Why can't I be allowed to be happy for once-"

She shook you lightly. "Stop being such a self-centered child, [First]. Get it in your head that every little thing you do affects all of us."

This was the part where normally you'd cower in fear and mumble a complacent 'yes ma'am' in front of the domineering Annie Leonhardt. Instead, a strange surge of rebellion filled you. Ever since you became friends with Eren, you were no longer the submissive little mouse everyone in the 104th believed you to be. Giving the ice-blonde girl a hard stare, you calmly pried her fingers away.

"No it doesn't," you asserted. "Not every little thing. Regardless of what you think, Annie, I'm still my own person. "

You turned a heel before she could respond. "I don't pry into your daily affairs, so keep your nose out of mine."

Before she could get another word in edgewise, you broke into a run, refusing to look back. A part of you felt apprehensive about her warning. You knew where it was coming from, and you knew that she was more worried about you than she let on. Bonding with the other trainees, let alone on a romantic basis, was never part of the plan. And knowing what the mission entailed, knowing what you would have to do eventually, and the sort of enemies you would make, you were playing a dangerous game by giving in to your emotions.

But even so, you refused to give up on the one thing that made you happy in this miserable, twisted life.

---

A small handful of days had passed since the green-eyed boy kissed you in a sudden moment of boldness, and yet you couldn't help but notice just how shy Eren had become towards you lately. What in the world had happened to the stubborn, outspoken boy, who feared not the Titans that scratched at his doorstep? What was it that made him duck his head in such a timid manner, avert his eyes nervously whenever you came near, or speak in a low mumble? The rest of the other recruits in the 104th had no idea what to make of it, but you had some idea. After all, you felt the same bashfulness whenever you found yourself close to him.

Not once did either of you mention the kiss, nor was it even subtly hinted in conversation. Suffice to say, you barely even spoke a word to each other. Neither you nor Eren were brave enough to take the initiative. Still, it left you wondering - dreaming, even - as to the real intent behind that kiss. Was it just on a whim? A spur of the moment? Or was it a hint of something more intense?

One thing was certain - Annie was right about the puppy eyes.

"He's staring at you again," Sasha giggled over breakfast one morning, pointing over your shoulder. You turned your head, giving her the perfect opportunity to snatch away your half-eaten bun.

Sure enough, your eyes met with the boy's emerald-green ones, from one end of the mess hall to the other. Your heart leapt. They had been gazing at you with a wistful longing - and for who knew how long. That said, the moment Eren realized his cover had been blown, he jerked in his seat, flushed beet red, and buried his nose in his breakfast, shoveling in more oatmeal than he could swallow at once. Mikasa and Armin gawped at him like he had grown a third eye.

You blinked, surprised at this odd behavior, then let out a giggle of your own. … Hot temper and violent tendencies aside, Eren really was endearing in his own way.

The bell chimed in the scaffolds above, signaling for everyone to begin the day's training. After cleaning up the tables, you joined the rest of the trainees as they began filtering out of the dining hall. The doorways formed a bottleneck, causing the exit to crowd up. You felt a little squished as you were jostled by your fellow cadets, all struggling to inch towards the door. A handful of boys, and even a few girls began to lose their tempers. Naturally, some of the more hot-headed males were already resorting to pushing and shoving.

"Come on! Move it!" Jean snarled, standing some three or four people behind you. He was as gracious as ever. "Before we all die of old age!"

The copper-blond lad drove his palm into the back of Eren's shoulder, shunting him forward. The green-eyed boy let out a yell, plowing several steps through the tight crowd…

"Gah!"

…before crashing right into you.

"Eek!"

You uttered a startled squeal as Eren's body collided with yours, knocking you both off balance. His forehead smashed into your nose. Limbs flailing, Eren reached out in every which direction, desperately for something to grab onto before falling. That was when his arms flew around you, and squeezed tight.

You knocked knees and bumped feet with him, but miraculously, both of you remained standing upright. Still, caught in his arms, you could barely breathe.

"Hey! Quit shovin' people around, Horseface!" Eren roared at Jean, face flaring red with bruised pride and a temper worn thin. The moment his attention turned back to you, however, his tone immediately softened.

"[First]! You… you okay?" he asked worriedly. "Did I hit your face?"

Your nose felt strangely numb, and you were seeing stars. As you uttered a befuddled "…Huh?" in reply, your voice sounded strangely congested and nasal. Like your sinuses were filled with something wet.

In a daze, your eyes flickered upward. Eren's face, fearful and mortified all at once, blurred in and out of focus. On impulse, you looked down at your hands. They were clinging for dear life to the neck of his shirt. Pulling at it, even. The low-cut fabric of his shirt fell even lower, exposing his neck and clavicle.

Your lips tingled. This closeness was all too familiar.

Armin's voice interrupted your thoughts.

"Are you two okay?" He asked, before uttering a gasp. "[First]! Your nose…!"

Only then did you notice the spots of blood that decorated Eren's shirt. Eyes wide, you reached up with a knuckle and gingerly dabbed the area beneath your nose. When you looked at it, your hand was smeared with blood.

Blood that burned hot as steaming coals…

Your veins were suddenly shot with fear, filling your head with a sudden, piercing clarity. The realization left you frozen in horror.

…What if you had turned…?

Transformation required a certain mindset to be successful, but past experience had taught you to take no chances. Physical pain, caused by a breakage of the skin, was the main trigger needed. Accidental, or no. Knowing this, you felt pinpricks of electricity ripple across the surface of your skin. You didn't know if they were real, or simply a figment of your imagination.

Either way, you panicked.

"[First]! [First], what's wrong? Calm down!" Eren gasped, eyes filled with worry as you began to writhe and flail away from him. "[First]! Get a hold of yourself!"

He pulled you closer, trying to get you to calm down and keep still. No! You had to get away from him! If disaster struck and you really did end up transforming…

…Eren was the last person in the world whom you wanted to witness your true form.

Blindly, you turned a heel and shoved your way through the throngs of people, not caring if you sent anyone tumbling over. You cupped both hands over your bleeding nose. To stem the flow. To protect it from even more damage. But most importantly, to hide the hot white vapor that was being released into the air. You felt bewildered stares coming from every direction, Eren's look of confusion at your back, as well as the hawk-like stares of Annie Leonhardt. No doubt your comrades already figured out what was up.

You had to escape. You had to get away from them.

As you disappeared into the distance, everyone shrugged off their puzzlement and continued their exit from the dining hall. Except for Eren, who stood there with the most baffled expression on his face.

Armin and Mikasa were standing next to him.

"… What the hell has gotten into her?"" he wondered aloud, looking rattled. "Did I do something wrong again?"

"Other than shattering her nose, you mean?" Mikasa asked with an edge of wryness. That said, she looked just as perplexed as Eren did.

Eren groaned, looking absolutely shamefaced. "…Well yeah. There's that. But I was going to apologize. Really! And it was the stupid horseface's fault to begin with!"

"Do you think she might have freaked out because of the blood?" Armin suggested. "I saw her face, there was a lot of it."

Eren frowned, massaging the area underneath his collarbone, right at the opening of his shirt. "Could be. I'm not sure if it was that, though…" He winced suddenly. "Ow…"

Mikasa blinked at him in concern. "What's wrong, Eren? Did you get hurt too?"

Eren shook his head, scowl deepening. "I didn't think I did. But I feel a little burnt for some reason. Like I splashed piping hot tea on myself, or something." He shrugged. "…Weird."

"Hey… Eren." Armin suddenly piped up.

Eren looked towards his right. "What is it, Armin?"

The small, blond boy spoke tentatively. "… Wasn't there blood on your shirt earlier? The moment when [First] broke her nose, I mean."

"Was there?" Eren inquired, looking down. "I don't know actually. I wasn't really paying attention." He pulled at the collar flap of his shirt, examining the fabric. "… No stains here. Or am I missing something?"

Armin's eyes widened in bemusement. "It's gone? But I thought… I could have sworn I had seen…"

But Eren's shirt was as clean as could be. Relatively speaking of course. But there were no telltale spots of red to be seen. That couldn't be right, Armin thought, but he could find no explanation, other than the possibility that he might have been imagining things.

"…Never mind."

---

Reiner and Bertholdt came looking for you the moment you fled the dining hall. By the time they found you, hiding behind the dorms, you were still trembling from head to toe.

There was no trace of the blood that had spilled when Eren's forehead smashed into your nose. The bridge had healed perfectly, as though nothing had happened to begin with. Your skin still flushed with heat, but otherwise, you were as flawlessly human as could be.

But the blood flowing within your veins told you otherwise.

Bertholdt was pale with anxiety. Reiner approached you, eyes full of concern. As the treads of his boots scratched against the gravel, you stirred slightly, but refused to look him in the eye.

"[First]…" The tank-like warrior normally spoke in such a gruff tone, but this time his voice was uncharacteristically gentle. "…Are you alright? We saw what happened. It was Eren, wasn't it?"

You let out a faint nod, gripping your arms and hugging yourself tightly. You loathed to say it, to bring their attention to the most recent object of your affections… but you had to.

"…It's not his fault," you uttered in a wretched voice. "He didn't know any better. It was an accident, and he was only trying to help…"

"But… he still put you at risk, didn't he?" Bertholdt pointed out, a troubled look in those dark eyes. "Because of him, you could have transformed. In front of everyone, too."

Growing desperate, you shook your head stubbornly. "I said, it's not his fault! You can blame everything on me, I don't mind! It was my own fault for being careless!"

Bertholdt opened his mouth to argue, but was dissuaded by Reiner, who shook his head. Turning towards you, he placed a heavy, muscular hand on your shoulder. Your knees nearly buckled beneath the added weight.

"[First], we know it was an accident," he reassured you. "We're not trying to place the blame on anyone. Besides, you still managed to keep a rein on your powers that time, didn't you? You did fine. No one can ask you to do any more than that."

Bertholdt's eyes drifted to the side. "But who knows what will happen next time…" he mused aloud.

Reiner gave him a narrow look, as though to tell him 'You're not helping'. But Bertholdt's worry was a sentiment you found more believable than Reiner's dubious attempts to make light of the situation. You knew your encounter with Eren had scared both of them shitless. You knew they would have been ready to act at a moment's notice. The look of terror in Reiner's eyes, even as he tried to comfort you, said more than spoken words could possibly say.

Your accomplices couldn't keep covering for your mistakes forever. If you kept messing up, you were more a danger than help to them. Expendable. A weed that needed to be culled. You knew the rules of this mission. If one of you threatened the cause, whether by accident or by pure incompetence, you were on your own. No exceptions.

Knowing that, you stiffened and coldly brushed Reiner's hand off your shoulder, disregarding the baffled expression on his face. You felt a little like Annie now - unable to trust anyone, even her fellow partners-in-crime.

…Well. At least you could trust Eren. Far more than those three.

"It won't happen next time," you vowed, clenching your fists. "I'll be careful next time. I promise. As long as I keep my distance from everyone else, we should be fine, right? That's what we all agreed on."

"So you say," said Bertholdt, gazing down at you. "... But I've noticed lately, that you and that boy from Zhinganshina have been a little fixated on each other."

Reiner tried to stop him. "Bertholdt-" But it was too late.

You felt your hackles rise. Your instincts were on the defensive.

"I thought you said that this wasn't about Eren," you said, glaring at the both of them. …Clearly, you'd been lied to.

I knew it, you thought angrily. Worn to the wire, Reiner squeezed the back of his neck, looking visibly uncomfortable.

"[First], listen…" he struggled to reason with you. "There's something we've been meaning to tell you-"

"Did Annie put you up to this?" you snapped, not at all liking where this interrogation was going.

"[First]."

A spark shot through your head. Reiner spoke your name with such firmness and austerity that you immediately shut your mouth and stood at attention. Once again, you were as meek as a mouse, caving in to the will of your betters. That was the way of the Titan-Shifters as well. The strong always had influence over the minds of the weak. …To some extent, at least.

It was cheating, and he knew it.  Despite his guilty expression, Reiner cleared his throat and remained obstinate.

"Please. Listen to me, [First]. Whatever sort of-" Pause. "-involvement you were hoping to have with Eren… It's not going to last. I don't have to go into detail. You know what I'm talking about, don't you?"

You nodded mutely, wanting to crawl under your bedframe and just hide from the world already. But you stayed put and listen.

"Don't forget what we've been through to get this far," Reiner warned you. "I know you don't like to hear this, but in all technicality, Eren is our enemy. And from where he's standing, the reverse is true. A relationship like that, friendship or otherwise, real or fake… can never end well."

He looked at you with pity in his eyes. "…The least you could do is make sure that it doesn't end horribly."

You cringed. Those were the words you had feared. You knew exactly what Reiner was asking you to do. He wanted you to distance yourself from Eren, the one person who had befriended you when everyone else just saw you as a doormat. The one who encouraged you to be strong. The boy that made you smile and laugh for the first time in what felt like forever.

But you weren't the sort person he believed you to be. It was a friendship built on lies. Still, you didn't know which was more difficult - keeping him close, or giving him up. Normally, you'd just cave into Reiner's demands. But this time, you had this inexplicable urge to rebel. Perhaps not outright. But the longer you continued to stand there, lips tight and uttering not a single sound, the sooner Reiner and Bertholdt would realize what your heart really wanted to do.

I'm not giving him up, you promised yourself fiercely, avoiding their eyes.

"… Reiner's right, [First]," Bertholdt insisted. Just like his companion, you could feel his will exerting pressure on you as well. "The longer you wait before ending it, the more painful it will be if he finds out who you really are." He winced, voice trailing off. "Or if he…"

"…Or if he dies as a result of our actions?" you ask, face grim as stone.

The surface of his forehead broke out into a cold sweat. Bertholdt looked no happier than did you. Nor did Reiner, for that matter.

"In the end, it'll be one of the two. Perhaps even both," he tried to explain. "Reiner and I are just trying to make you realize the possible consequences of your actions. Trust me, it's a burden like no other. …And let's face it. Between the four of us - you, me, Reiner and Annie - you're not exactly the most emotionally stable…"

Perhaps you were proving his words right by cutting him off angrily. But you hardly cared.

"At least I'm not some coward who hides behind someone with more guts than you'll ever have," you snapped, shaking off their telepathic influence. "The deaths of a hundred thousand people is no small weight, is it, Bertholdt? How nice it must be to drag Reiner down to your level and have him share your burden, just because you can't do anything by yourself."

The sheer level of spite and toxicity in your words was enough to stun even you. By now, Reiner and Bertholdt were used to your vitriolic outbursts, but this time you managed to reach a new low. Bertholdt immediately looked shocked, humiliated, and even a little angry. The look on his face flooded you with guilt.

But what left you frightened and cursing your own idiocy was the fact that Reiner very much looked ready to hit something right now. You were the most tempting candidate, but of course he would never stoop so low, no matter how many buttons you tried your best to push. It made you petty and spiteful, yes. But it was the only way you were able to assert yourself when your stronger accomplices had so much leverage against you.

It took nearly a minute for Reiner to take a deep breath, steady himself, and calm down.

"[First]," he finally uttered between gritted teeth, giving you a direct stare and forcing you to maintain eye contact. "I'm going to have to ask you, for once, to leave that attitude of yours out of this. I don't know what the hell we've done to make you hate us so damn much, but there's only so much that I'm going to put up with. Don't test my limits. I mean it."

Whatever burst of confidence you had felt before was immediately zapped away and disintegrated. Recoiling, you shrank back a few steps and ducked your head pathetically, like a dog with its tail between its legs. Without a doubt, you knew it would be wise to heed Reiner's advice. If it were Annie, you'd be a bruised and broken mess on the ground by now.

Taking your submissive reaction as some sort of apology, Reiner calmed down and let out a weary sigh. "For Heaven's sake, [First] … the two of us are just trying to look out for you. Isn't that what comrades are supposed to do?"

Only once he had turned around, placed a hand on Bertholdt's shoulder, and led him away did you realize that the question was meant to be a rhetorical one. No longer fearful, you narrowed your eyes at the back of their napes, wearing your usual look of distrust.

"… Give me a break," you hissed under your breath. "…You're just trying to save your own skins."

The discussion had been left up in the air, but you knew what was expected of you. You knew what your three accomplices were counting on you to do. But given your strained relationship with them, and the fact that you trusted no one else but Eren, you were determined to do exactly the opposite.

It was true that you were the weak little runt of their group. But that didn't mean they had the right to meddle with your personal affairs.

---

Hastily, you made your way to the gear shed. Alone. Everyone else was already strapped in and primed for some intense 3DMG practice. You cursed, fingers fumbling as you struggled to work the harnesses over your thighs and chest. Anger and frustration from your most recent conversation now left your nerves high-strung. But a familiar sound lifted your spirits.

"[First]! There you are!"

You knew that voice anywhere by now.

Eren rolled right up, and immediately began strapping you into your 3D Maneuver Gear like it was no one else's business. You were caught off guard by his unexpected closeness. The sensation of his fingers brushing along the belts and buckles of your harness, so tightly bound to your form, sent prickling sensations across the back of your nape.

"E-Eren!" You yelped, cheeks flushed red. "W-watch where your fingers are going, won't you?"

To your surprise, Eren's face was completely professional, deadpan with concentration as he tightened the buckles on your harness.

"I notice that you tend to get careless when strapping into your gear," he said in a frank voice. "You don't check your buckles, your straps are either too loose or at the wrong height… At this rate, you're going to get yourself into a nasty mess mid-flight. Remember that guy who nearly got strangled by his gear?"

Gulping, you nodded. Accidents were commonplace during 3D Maneuver training. Some were more fatal than others.

You saw his point. Obediently, you stood still and waited. Eren was already in full gear, and was working at record speed to get you ready for some combat acrobatics. On one hand, it was normal for soldiers, novices especially, to help each other strap up and check for mistakes. And yet, you couldn't help but feel that Eren was coddling you again.

You didn't mind. It was nice knowing that someone out there was looking out for you. While Eren was busy at work, you looked about. Mikasa and Armin were standing some distance away. The black-haired girl looked a little longing. Maybe even a little lonely. But when Armin gently nudged her away from you and Eren, she complied. Reluctantly.

…You felt a little guilty, to be honest. Everyone knew how much Mikasa doted on Eren.  But it wasn't exactly your fault that Eren was paying more attention to you these days.

Once he was done checking the tightness of your shoulder straps, Eren stood up and examined your face this time.

"Your nose…" he remarked, eyes wide. "It's not bleeding anymore. Does it still hurt?"

You gave a weak smile and rubbed your nose gingerly.

"It's still a bit sore," you said, lying through your teeth. It didn't hurt at all. "But it's not broken, or anything. I guess it looked worse than it really was. Sorry if I freaked you out earlier, Eren."

"Forget about me, you were the one who looked scared to death!" the boy exclaimed. "Again, I'm really sorry about bumping into you like that. I know it's been a while since we last …spoke..." He cleared his throat, blushing bright red. "…so I was hoping that our next meeting would go a little better than that…"

"Oh?" You asked coyly, giving his arm a playful nudge. "Was there something you wanted to tell me, then?"

Eren gave you a sheepish smile.

"How about we wait until after training?"

You pouted. "Aw. Way to keep a lady hanging in suspense. You'd better have a surprise waiting for me by the time we finish practice."

"Who knows," Eren remarked loftily as the two of you headed towards the forest edge, side-by-side. "…I might have a few ideas."

By now, your heart was racing giddily. And you hadn't even started practice yet.

Once the trees were in range, you and Eren took to the air, working on some basic turns and aerial techniques. As an agent working against humanity, you were also expected to familiarize yourself with the 3DMG and discern any weaknesses that either you or your accomplices might be able to exploit.

But your heart wasn't into it. You threw every concern to the wind, ignored the warning looks of your three accomplices, and sailed through the air on wires. The thrill of flight, the wind in your hair and clothes, and the rush of danger provided a welcome distraction like no other.

…And you had to admit, Eren was an impressive sight, soaring effortlessly on steam and cable, his athletic form burning like gold beneath the sun. His emerald eyes were fierce with focus, and tenacity. And yet, he never forgot to look over his shoulder, just to make sure that you were still close behind.

You wondered if you had what it took to keep chasing him forever.

Training ended, leaving your limbs pleasantly sore. So much for the learning experience, you thought to yourself sheepishly. The whole time, all I ever did was ogle Eren.

Eren gave you a wry look as the two of you stowed away your gear. "Something on my face?"

Nah… You thought, smiling demurely to yourself. Just your face.

It still marveled you how someone so boyish and rough at times could be so easy on the eyes. But naturally, you lacked the courage to say this out loud.

"You've really improved since the first day we started," you remarked lightly as the two of you made your way out of the gear shed. With a giggle, you added, "Remember when you fell on your head during the balance test?"

Eren groaned. "Hey, it wasn't my fault that they gave me crap equipment. I was freaking out for the longest time before the final test! If they'd kicked me out, I don't know what I'd have done! "

"You'd probably be tilling the dirt and picking vegetables in some dingy old field by now," you said with a grin. … And I'd still be a doormat living under the feet of my comrades, you added quietly.

Eren was adorable when he pouted, you noticed. More and more, this human boy was pulling you in with his charms, like a fish on the line.

"Well," you remarked happily. "I'm glad things turned out this way, at least. What would I do without my valiant protector?"

Eren turned and blinked at you with wide eyes. At first, he looked startled. Then, his face broke into a smile - elated and sheepish at the same time. Quite frankly, it was adorable.

Feeling a little bit bolder, you reached up and wrapped your fingers around the inside of his elbow. You felt him stiffen slightly. But when he didn't recoil away from your touch, you leaned in so that you could walk closer with him, side-by-side.

"I'm serious though," you said warmly. "You've been working hard all this time, and you've come such a long way. I know you'll be an incredible soldier when all is said and done."

"Oh hush, you're gonna make my ears turn red," Eren growled, the corner of his mouth twitching. "I'm not like Jean. I'm not trying to show off, or get into the Military Police, or anything like that." His voice grew quiet. "…I just want to get stronger."

Once more, his eyes were ablaze. Your high spirits dimmed. That's right. You remembered. Eren's eventual destination was the Recon Corps. And knowing him as well as you did by now, you were already certain that nothing you could say or do would ever change his mind.

Of course, who's to say he would even live that long? Spoke an ominous, nagging voice in your head. Swallowing hard, you banished that thought immediately.

Eren gazed at you curiously. The fact that you had fallen eerily silent had not escaped his notice.

"You know, you never told me which branch you were going to join after graduation," he remarked.

This time, you really did feel your spirits deflate. Glumly, you looked down at your feet and scuffed a heel against the gravel road.

"Well, I'm nowhere near the Top Ten, so definitely not the Military Police," you mumbled. "I guess that leaves either the Garrison, or the Legion." You shrugged. "I haven't really given it much thought, to be honest."

Eren frowned. "You can't put it off forever, [First]. Before you know it, these three years will be over, and graduation will be just around the corner. You must have some sort of goal to look forward to."

…The Annihilation of Mankind. That's what.

Desperate to purge these grim, awful thoughts, you shook your head frantically and let out a loud, exasperated sigh.

"Alright, fine then. I'll join the Legion."

Eren paused, stopped in his tracks, and turned fully to stare at you.

"[First], you're joking right?" he whispered. "Please tell me that your sense of humour is just crap, and that you're not actually considering joining the Recon Corps!"

You blinked at him apathetically. "Why not? At least I won't be lonely, since you'll be there with me. We'll be able to stick together after Graduation! What's so bad about that? …Are you saying that you don't want me to join the Legion?"

"I'm…" Eren grasped desperately for an explanation. "…I just don't want you to make a decision like that so recklessly! And if you're actually saying that you're going to join the Legion on my account, then I'll have to object to that-"

"Oh, so would you object if Armin and Mikasa tagged along with you?" you asked, giving him a plain look.

Eren faltered, closed his mouth, then opened it again. Clearly he was wavering between an honest 'yes', and a more honest 'no'.

"W-well…!" he stammered. "In their case, it's different! I've known them since the three of us were kids! We've been through so much together …Zhiganshina, Wall Maria, the refugee camps in Stohess… It's not like I want to drag them into danger! But they're important enough to me that I'll let them tag along, especially if it means we can stay together-"

"Alright then," you interrupted him. "So then… what about me? Am I important to you?"

As you leaned your face closer to his, Eren lost his train of thought entirely. "I… Y-you're…."

"...If I were to join the Recon Corps, would you still protect me then?" you asked, staring deeply and intently into those infinite green eyes of his. You could see the muscles on his throat and Adam's Apple contracting as he gulped.  Without a doubt, he was growing more nervous by the second.

"I… Of course I would!" Eren burst out, no doubt without thinking twice. His cheeks, forehead, and ears turned flame-red. Flustered, he babbled on uncontrollably. "I-I mean, think of all the trouble y-you'd get into without me! Who's going to help you into your harness when I'm not around? Or fend off the bullies? Or stop you from playing master and servant with the other Cadets? I mean, forget the Titans, you're enough of a handful as it is to look after-"

… He was struck silent as you moved in, and pressed your lips against his.

This time, he was the one caught by surprise. And for all your reputation as the resident doormat of the 104th, you had never felt bolder. Closing your eyes, you drew closer, leaning into the kiss. Placing your hand on Eren's shoulders, you pulled him in, inviting him to do the same.

…With a pounding heart and a face burning with heat, he obliged - enthusiastically. His rough hands reached up and cupped against your cheeks, tilting your face ever so slightly for a more accessible angle. This was far from the sweet, innocent peck he had given you just days before. Your kiss was deeper. Longer. More impassioned. You didn't want a fleeting sensation, there one moment and gone the next. You wanted something that would last, and remain thus imprinted in your memories for the rest of your days.

By the time you broke away, the two of you were seeing stars in each other's eyes. Beneath the burning sun, your cheeks continued to glow pink, and so did his. Though he stared at you with a look of strange and silent longing, you could sense that this was the happiest he had felt in a while.

His hand clasped around yours as the two of you made your way back up the sunlit road together. From all around, you could sense wandering eyes from every angle. Some distance away, the girls were giggling. Jean looked incredulous, while Connie and Sasha were staring with their jaws agape. Armin reacted with visible surprise, while Mikasa's expression remained stoic and hidden behind her red scarf.

Not further off stood Reiner and Bertholdt. You could also see Annie observing from nearby. The looks on their faces were as cold as stone - impassive and unfathomable. You had no doubt that they didn't approve in the least, but by this point you were beyond caring. What's done was done, and a kiss was something that couldn't be taken back, even if you wanted to.

After all, just what sort of consequences could a simple kiss possibly impose?

---

If only you had realized just how right Annie's words had been, about how naïve you were.

For the briefest moment in time, you were at your happiest. Nothing had been said aloud just yet. But where the relationship between you and Eren was concerned, surely things could only get better. That was what you believed. Unrequited affection certainly wasn't an issue, if those two kisses had been any indication. If anything, both were testament to the fact that it was definitely worth it to be courageous every once in a while.

Now it was Eren's turn to look like the cat that swallowed the canary, and for you to stare after him across the dining hall at mealtimes. It was hard to say why you still kept your distance. His friendship with Armin and Mikasa looked so incredibly tight-knit, that even now you were reluctant to get in the way.

But you weren't worried, though. Sooner or later, there would be a time when you and Eren would have a moment all to yourselves. That much you were certain.

You caught Eren's glancing at you over dinner time one evening. On a daring whim, you winked at him. He immediately turned bright red and went right back to stuffing his face with his dinner. Clearly someone must have seen, for you heard a loud guffaw from Connie that was thrown very suspiciously in Eren's general direction. Oh, how the rumours must be flying right now!

And yet, neither of you minded, for the two of you were grinning from ear to ear by yourselves, for seemingly no reason at all.

This isn't so terrible… you thought to yourself as you left the baths one evening, a towel slung over your shoulders.

…All I have to do is not think about what will happen, two years from now…

Your smile faded. Quietly, you mulled over your thoughts as you shook the excess water from your damp hair.

You were being irresponsible, you knew. Perhaps even cruel. But the only way you could live yourself right now was to simply not think about the future. The destruction you and your accomplices would wrack on humanity. Eren finding out who you really are, and hating you as a result. …If he didn't wind up killed first, anyhow. Would it be some sort of mercy if he did?

For you, perhaps. But you didn't even want to think about that right now.

You sighed heavily, wandering up the path alone. All you ever wanted was the smallest moment of happiness. Even if that happiness was built on a heap of lies, betrayal, and deceit.

You glanced up into the late summer sky. The moon, so full just a few nights before, was now waning. Looked like you would have to rely on torchlight to find your way through the outpost for the next few nights….

Through the empty air, your ears picked up the sound of boots treading on gravel.

"… [First]."

Bertholdt stood upon the path before you. Reiner and Annie were nowhere to be seen. He gazed at you with an expression that was silent, and nigh unreadable.

You stared back with a wary look, but relented a little. Suffice to say, you words to him during your last conversation had been nothing short of cruel. It was so easy to forget that he enjoyed the situation no more than you did. It wouldn't be far from the truth to say that he was just as much a prisoner circumstance as you were, if not even more so.

You greeted him with a nod. He did the same.

"Was there something you wanted?" You asked, in the plainest of tones.

At the question, he looked strangely anxious. Perhaps even nervous. Then again, this was nothing new.

"Th-there's something I wanted to talk to you about," he began. "R-right now, actually."

You sighed. If it was another lecture, there was certainly no avoiding it this time. You shrugged passively. "Sure. Let's talk, then."

His dark green eyes flickered about furtively. "N-not here. Let's go somewhere else. …Come on."

Without warning, he grabbed your wrist and began leading you down the path towards the barracks. The way he was pulling, you didn't know if you were following him of your own accord, or if he was merely using his massive strength to drag you along.

You winced and cried out. His huge, wiry hand was straining your wrist.

"Ow!" you whined as he pulled you down the winding road, towards a cluster of buildings. "Bert? Bert, what are you doing? You don't have to squeeze so hard! What's this all about, anyway?"

"I…I can't explain. But whatever you do, just play along."

"…Play along? What the hell are you talking about?"

Bertholdt's expression was completely blank. It was impossible to tell what he wanted from you, or what sort of thoughts were churning inside his head.

…All of that changed, however, when you spotted Eren leaning against one of the watch towers. Clearly, he was waiting for something. Or rather, someone. The moment he saw you and Bertholdt coming down the path together, he rose from the wall and approached you both.

"Alright, Bertholdt," he said with a visible frown. "You called me all the way out here. What was it you wanted to tell me?" He rose an eyebrow in confusion. "...[First]? What are you doing here?"

You stared at him, speechless. You were starting to wonder the same thing, as well. Adding to your suspicions was the fact that somewhere along the way, Bertholdt's grip had moved from your wrist to your hand. His palm was hot and covered with a sheen of sweat. Try as you might, you couldn't escape - his hand was large enough to engulf yours.

"E-Eren," you stammered, not knowing how to explain yourself for lack of understanding what the hell was even going on. "I…"

Bertholdt cleared his throat, taking the center stage. You and Eren stared up at him with wide eyes, plainly confused.

"Th-there's something [First] and I have to tell you, Eren," he said, stammering ever so slightly. "…Something you should know… about the two of us.  We've been keeping it a secret from you all this time."

Those words startled you, and left Eren baffled.

"Bertholdt?" you whispered, as he turned to face you. What in the actual hell was he thinking? Just how much was he going to tell Eren about who you really were? Did Reiner and Annie even know?

You opened your mouth to demand an explanation. "Bert, what are you-"

Your words were cut off as Bertholdt suddenly stooped down, and enveloped his lips around yours. Out of the corner of your eye, Eren stiffened with shock.

His mouth was crushing. Suffocating. You felt violated. Your first instinct was to pull away, but by then, his hands had already found your shoulders. They gripped fast, preventing you from moving an inch. As your lips began to bruise, you felt the urge to fight back with every fiber of your being. To unleash the claws you had kept hidden for so long and tear him apart with the extent of your hidden power.

But your better judgment prevented you from putting up as much as a struggle. Once again, you were reminded of who Bertholdt really was. When pushed to his limits, there was nothing he wouldn't do. He had the blood of thousands on his hands already. You were a monster, but so was he. So was Annie. So was Reiner. The three of them could only tolerate your rebelliousness for so long. There was nothing stopping them from squashing you like a bug if you continued to put them at risk.

You also suspected that some form of telepathic control was at work here, just to make things more convincing.

So, in spite of your humiliation, you forced yourself to play along, holding back the tears that were springing to your eyes. The kiss was forceful, but there was no passion. No warmth, no real affection. The intensity of it was all just for show. That said, you loathed to even consider what your audience might be thinking right now.

For the entire time, Eren didn't utter a single sound, but you could feel his green-eyed stare upon you. You wondered if he was merely gauging your reaction, or if he had simply gone frozen with shock. A part of you wanted him to charge in, pull you away from Bertholdt, and save you from this humiliation. But deep down inside, you knew that he was at as much of a loss as you were. There was nothing either of you could do.

This was the price you had to pay for one small moment of happiness.

After an eternity of torment, Bertholdt finally broke away, leaving you free to breathe and ruminate in the horror of what had just happened. From the look on Bertholdt's face, it was clear that that he was no more pleased about it than you were. That didn't stop you from hating him with all your heart in that moment.

You dared yourself to look at Eren's face, and immediately regretted it. The sight of you letting Bertholdt kiss you, without putting up any form of resistance, had left him mortified. You weren't the person he knew anymore. You weren't the shy and innocent girl who he had kissed in the spur of the moment, and had kissed him back as a way of showing his affections weren't one-sided. No, you were someone else entirely, a person full of secrets and hidden facets.  Clearly, he didn't know you as well as he thought he did.

And yet, you could see the look of hope and denial in his eyes, grasping for the truth that he wanted to believe in.

"[First]…" he croaked, forcing a smile. "This is a joke, isn't it…? You're kidding me, right?"

Those words drove a nail through your heart. You wanted to tell him yes, that it was all just a mistake, and that Eren was the one you really wanted to be with. But you could feel Bertholdt staring intently at you, waiting for you to say the words that would end it all in one fell swoop. You didn't know if Reiner and Annie were hidden somewhere, observing from a distance. But you knew very well what they were all counting on you to do.

Maybe in some sick, twisted sense, this was the right thing to do after all.  An act of mercy to prevent future pain.

You drew in a deep, heavy breath. "… I'm sorry, Eren," you murmured, avoiding his eyes entirely. "Everything I said and did before… was just a lie. A trick. … The truth is, I don't feel anything for you at all.  I was just playing around… because I thought it would be fun."

You wanted to cry as you said those words. Mustering what little self-control you had left, you barely managed to hold back.

Needless to say, Eren was handling it no better than you were. The moment the initial shock wore off, his shoulders trembled. His hands clenched into fists, and as he stared at you, his eyes were blazing with pain and anger.

"No," he spoke in a low hiss. "…It was my own fault for letting you play me like some damn fool. I should have known there was something hiding behind that doormat act of yours. I bet you got a real laugh out of it, didn't you?"

His words were growing more vindictive by the second. "Eren…" you said helplessly. Everything was going so horribly wrong.

"Don't," he snapped, with such force that you and Bertholdt both backed away a step. "Don't you ever talk to me, look at me, or come near me ever again. I am done with being your protector! If you enjoy being a pushover so much, then I hope the rest of the 104th chews you up and spits you out!"

His voice was filled with such spite and vitriol that you were convinced that he hated you now. A part of you wanted to believe that he didn't really mean it, but that didn't erase the fact that it hurt to hear it.

… In fact, it tore you apart.

Eren closed his mouth and backed away, as though affronted to hear those words coming out of his own mouth. For a split second, you spotted a flicker of regret in those large, green eyes. But the moment his attention turned back towards you and Bertholdt, they were once more filled with rage. You saw tears forming at the corners of his eyes, just as he turned a heel and fled towards the dormitories.

You watched him go, wanting to chase after him. But your heart was numb. You couldn't find the will or the energy to move.

"[First]…"

Only then did you remember that Bertholdt was still standing next to you. As he reached up to place a hand on your shoulder, you reached up and slapped it away, quick as lightning. To think he had the gall, for all his usual blubbering and spinelessness!

But when you glared up at him, eyes filled with tears of pain and fury, he didn't flinch. Instead, he stared at you solemnly, unfaltering as stone.

"It's over, [First]. Hate us all you want, but this is for your own good," he told you, voice cool and even. "I don't expect you to understand. But you would if you had the maturity to care about the mission, instead of just thinking about yourself."

Before you had the time to muster an angry reply, he turned around, and began to walk away.

"Maybe from now on," said Bertholdt, without looking back at you. "…You'll think twice before calling me a coward."

With that, he left you alone on the dark path, underneath the faded moon. Just like that, your world had become dark, lonely, and miserable again.

…

After a sleepless night spent in agony, the following morning seemed utterly surreal. You sat by yourself at breakfast, feeling more distant than ever from the rest of your comrades. Whispers flew back and forth. Perhaps it was paranoia, but you couldn't help but wondering if there were rumours going on about what had happened between you, Eren, and Bertholdt that night.

The trio from Zhiganshina isolated themselves in their usual corner of the dining room. The three of them were deep in private conversation, faces grave and dark. Every now and then, you spotted Mikasa scowling visibly in your direction, or Armin looking worried whenever it was Eren's turn to mumble whatever was on his mind.

As for Eren himself, he refused to look at you.

Later that day, Reiner approached you to ask how you were doing. He offered to talk to you, but you angrily rebuffed him. It didn't matter how nice he behaved towards you - he would always take Bertholdt's side in the end.  In the end, he left you alone, and didn't come near you again.

Without Eren's usual intervention, Annie went right back to pummeling the living crap out of you at martial arts practice. You glowered defiantly up at her as you picked yourself up from the dirt, but you were too weary to put up a fight. You left the proving grounds that afternoon covered in bruises and cuts, wearing a sour expression on your face. Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted Eren giving you a worried look, as though he wanted to help. But the moment you glanced over, his eyes were averted, as though he had changed his mind.  Perhaps the whole thing had been your imagination.

In a matter of days, things reverted back to the way they were before. Jean cajoled you into doing his chores, Sasha grubbed food off of you at mealtimes, and you went back to being the weak-willed mouse of the 104th. It left you exhausted, but then again, you were used to it. It was familiar. Distracting. Lord knew you needed some form of consolation to help you move on from your past mistakes.

The days turned into weeks. And then, months flew by, until the three years of your military training had nearly come full circle. During that time, you and Eren drifted apart entirely. Though the two of you exchanged words on occasion, they were far and few in between. The mood was always awkward. Strained. Whenever you looked at Eren, he avoided your eyes entirely, lips tight. Either the words he wanted to say were too painful to say out loud, or simply weren't there to begin with. Not that you blamed him. After all, there were so many things you wanted to tell him, but neither the circumstances nor your accomplices would allow it. It wasn't long until simply being near each other became unbearable for the both of you.

Now, the day of graduation was fast approaching. Soon it would be time for the trainees of the 104th to disband and go their separate ways. You wondered how relieved Eren have felt, knowing that after his enlistment in the Legion, he would likely never have to see you again.

Every day, Jean bragged about how he and Marco were all set for the Military Police. For the rest of the Top Ten candidates, spirits were high. Everybody was excited for the future, and spoke about what their lives would be like after graduation.

Only you, Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie remained curiously silent. Little did anyone else realize, you were the ones who knew what fate had in store for humanity, five years after the fall of Wall Maria.

On the eve before graduation night, Annie slipped a note into your pocket. Once you were alone, you read it to yourself, crumpled up the parchment and threw it into the fire. Grim, dreadful thoughts ran through your head as you watched the note burn and blacken.

Soon, it would be time to attack Trost Gate. Though you did not relish it, you were prepared to play your part, and do whatever was demanded of you. Your charade as an ordinary human girl had come to an end. Soon, these pure, sinless hands of yours would be stained with the blood of innocents.

Ignorance was blissful while it lasted.